To Bea of Not to Be?

THERE WAS MORE TO Sunday morning than I readily shared in my that day’s blog. At 5:30 AM, I suddenly awoke. I gave a stretch. Life became clear again, but flooding me with a not-so-clear, insurmountable dread. I seemed to be fearing the worst, but what was it? I was anticipating something... something... I couldn’t put my finger on it.

THEN IT HIT me like way too many bricks and I thought my tears would nearly consume me. More than ninety-six in number. My like-a-sister-to-me cousin had passed away the day before. The reality this day re-tuned me into and what it would have me to face, was more than I could bear. I was sad beyond repair and my aching heart went to thoughts of the three daughters and husband she’d left behind. An instant later, I was with open arms-welcoming absurdity. Yes, ABSURDITY. MY COUSIN’S FINE, I assured myself. She’s home in bed, sleeping. I’d NEVER received any word of her death the day before, because SHE WASN’T DEAD!! Some particle of a waking dream had merely (That’s putting it lightly.) attempted to puncture my real world.

GOD, HOW RELIEVED I was that my cousin was home with her family. Knew she was. Safe. But I couldn’t shake a feeling that, even now, I can’t put words to. With confusion in tow, I stumbled over to the computer, while my coffee cup and I waited for the brew to brew. My scan of the Internet front page news met with a sad, out loud " Ooh, nooo...", as I learned of actress Beatrice Arthur’s passing. Bea was one of my favorites. Yours, too? I thought so.

I CLICKED ON a given title for more. Bits and pieces of her stage and screen that added up to all the wonderment she gave us. Left for us. Eighty-six years old. Born 5-13-22. Hmm. What is the fifth month again? I looked to see if the coffee was ready yet, to improve my math skills. It wasn’t. Math skills?

JANUARY, FEBRUARY, March, April –-I counted them out on my fingers.– May. May is the fifth. May 13, 1923. May 13th... MAY 13?! MAY 13th IS MY COUSIN’S BIRTHDAY !!

YEAH, RIGHT ABOUT then, I half-expected to hear the theme music from The Twilight Zone playing in my background. Someone was coming downstairs. I was certain it was Rod Serling, who turned out to be my daughter, Puppet, about to put a new day into full swing. I jumped at the opportunity to replay my early morning, to which she responded,

"THAT’S, THAT’S– DID YOU ever think about going into The Business? We could get you a snow globe and a magic wand."

ONE WORD:

Rosebud?

Keep up the good work,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo, Drea, and Bea.

P.S.

Make your own kind of music,
and do it before it's too late.

Maude: Last Episode

Beatrice Arthur
May 13, 1922 - April 25, 2009

"God will get you for this, Arthur."
– Maude Findlay

TO THE "new" girl at CBS:

THANKS, Maude. At seventeen, I aspired to be you at fifty (Minus the flowing vests, that is.). Thank you for setting the table for me.

Fondly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~

RIP, my Mollo, Drea, and Bernice Frankel.

This Must be Where Pies Go When They Die

The favorite dessert
of FBI agent Dale Cooper.
AT THE TIME (1990-91), I was the commissioned
head pie maker (Edible Props Department) for the
David Lynch/Mark Frost serial drama Twin Peaks.
Yep.
That’s me in the above, next to one of my classics.

"WHEN YOU DIE, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, ummmm, boy." –Jack Handey

Happy
Jack Handey
Friday
ON A SATURDAY,
mates!

TODAY’S PRELUDE IS BEST put to you by a mostly-from-Bette-Davis-as-Margo-Channing-in-All About Eve quote:

"FASTEN YOUR seatbelts,
it’s going to be a bumpy blog."

SO. IT WAS LAST NIGHT, between Whiz Shots (You know, canned spray-cheese nozzled directly into the mouth, sans Ritz or Premium Saltine? Aw, don’t give me that. We’ve ALL gone Cheez Whiz at least once in our lives.), Puppet and I decided to entertain each other by making a game out of doing reverse-speak reversed, then reversed again, like The Man from Another Place. Remember? He was the disturbingly strange, little man in the red three-piece suit and brown cowboy boots, who appeared in a dream experienced by Agent Cooper, giving him a bunch of esoteric clues to apprehending The Man's nemesis and Laura Palmer’s worst and final nightmare, Killer BOB (Twin Peaks).

Oops!

Yeah. Yeah, him.

WE TOOK TURNS FIRING strange cadenced-bits of even stranger "dialogue" (It’s as good as word as any to use to describe it, I guess.) ---minus the human siren sounds and the odd, little 1940s-style jazz dance, but at one point, opting for jazz hands–- at each other for as long as we could stand it . (Only minutes into the game, I caved. Talking the "talk" was too much like the way I’d hear things when I was a smitch with a high fever, if ya know what I mean, and it creeped me out. CONDIDERABLY so. But, are you game? Wanna have a go at it? Here comes the first one:

Wrench puddle.

I repeat,

WRENCH PUDDLE.

Close, but no cigar.
(That comes later. You’ll see.)

TRY IT again?

Wre-e-e-nch pu-u-u -ddle.

RIGHT!

French poodle!

Next up:

SAND BEAD.

Give it one more chance:

Sand bead.

BINGO! You're spot-on :

Sinbad,
doing for shirts,
what Bill Cosby did for sweaters.

THAT LAST ONE invited a same vein-more:

Sand bead dulcer lar.

BRAVO! You’re getting good at this!

Sinbad the Sailor

NOW YOU’RE ON a roll– let’s keep going.

Ready to try a jingle?

Manna two mien,
Sea milk a Roy

(Vienna sausage, anyone?)
tan
sigger!

CORRECTOMUNDO!

Man to man,
smoke a Roi-tan cigar!
(Had to dig deep for that one, didn’t you?)

TRY this:

Do odd noodle Al Sire.

LUCKILY, I won’t picture it, I’ll just give it to you:

duondenal ulcer.

HERE’S A COUPLE THAT color outside the lines:

Tonya Harding.

Come again:

TONYA HARDING.

No clue? How ‘bout this one, then:

Donatella Versace.

DONATELLA VERSACE.

Sound it out.

DAH NAH TEH LAH VUR SAH CHAY.

Repita por favor.

DONATELLA VERSACE.

Still nothing?

YOU CAN DO IT.

Go ahead, venture an again-guess.

Warmer... You’re getting warmer...

WARMER...

RED HOT !!

Tonya Harding

AND

Donatella Versace!

RIGHT, RIGHT.
THESE TWO ARE A CONSTANT,

no matter WHAT language.

COME ON, admit it. About this blog,
SIX WORDS:

"A damn fine cup of coffee."

Whacked,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~ *
(Yes, the asterisk is a rogue cherry.)

RIP, my Mollo, Drea, and Laura Palmer.

Another Unexpected Package!

SIMON COWELL GAVE him a standing O;
Amanda said he passed the goose bump test;
and Piers said he proved Wales has got talent.

Photo credit: mirror.co.uk
Shaheen Jafargholi
singing Michael Jackson’s "Who ’ s Lovin' You?"

PLEASE GIVE his name a "CLICK."

I still have them.
TWO WORDS: the goosebumps.

Stay close,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

P.S.
Happy Earth Day!
IF YOU CAN'T hug a tree,
blow one a kiss!

Sunday's On the Phone to Monday, Tuesday's On the Phone to Me

TODAY’S BLOG IS MORE like a twitter: me "doing," in 140 characters or less (and at 25 miles over the speed limit to

boot!).

CASE IN point:

I’M SWAMPED!

UH-HUH, STEPHEN HAWKING'S expected
to recover. I'm not so sure I am.

Looks like
THREE WORDS: Riesling for supper.

Coming in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now, sucking my thumb and wandering
By the banks of my own lagoon,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

P.S. I’M RIGHT, yeah? I could use a drink?

The Wurst of Both Worlds

Beleidigte Leberwurst by Ernst Kahl

*zips Barry Manilow costume up to neck,
dons paper mache Manilow head,
and commences singing*

I– WAIT!
If I’m gonna do this,
I wanna be a young Manilow.

*cashes in paper mache head, exchanging it for another;
returns to song*

I list the wursts that make the whole world sing.
I list the wursts of love, the special things.
I list the wursts that make the young girls cry. (Bear with me; I’m headed for another My Point... And I Do Have One moments.)
I list the wursts, I list the wursts.

I GUESS IT’S PRETTY obvious.
Today, I list the wursts:

Bratwurst

Wisconsin’s finest!
Egads, I’m proud to be from this state!

Thkringer Bratwurst

Nkrnberger Bratwurst

Bierwurst

Teewusrt

Grützbregenwurst

Schinkenwurst

Dr. Frank-N-Furter

Blutwurst

Wienerwurst

Fleischbregenwurst

Hannoverwurst

(TAKE A DEEP breath and please keep going.
Honestly, there’s a point to all my hot diggity.)

Bremer Pinkelwurst

Forbetterorforwurst

Leberwurst

Weisswurst

Bockwurst or Knackwurst
Mit sauerkraut, it is this fräu’s favorite!
Just for the record, I’m more Polish than German.
So, as the Polish put it,
"Who’s counting? Pass the sausage!")

YEAH, THE NAME Bockwurst derives from the cracking sound that you hear when you take a bite, which for me is no smitch . I look to this wurst as an entitlement, therefore, my teeth greet it LARGELY.) It comes in different lengths and diameters. The thin and long ones are called Frankfurter Wlrstcher; the thin and short ones are called Wiener Wlrstchen. They look like viennas, but are firmer and taste spicier. Bockwkrste are usually just heated in hot water and served with mustard, and a slice of white bread or potato salad. My mother always went the sauerkraut route instead; definitely her best move, outside of birthing Yours Tah-ruly, of course. LOL !)

LAST and
certainly LEAST:

The Wurst

IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD, Jamie Foxx viciously chewed Miley Cyrus up and spit her out with a vengeance, on his Sirius Radio Show a couple of days ago. Foxx, either not wanting to lose his next recess out on the playground, or deciding he wanted tweens to see his new movie, "apologized" on Jay Leno (The Tonight Show With Jay Leno last Tuesday), because THAT is the "correct" protocol, whenever a comedian has to "apologize" for yet ANOTHER "joke."

Jamie Foxx: (irreprehensibly and let-me-say-this-so-I-can-get-it-over-with far too casually, and as if he were a victim of an occupational hazard WE should be sympathetic to) I so apologize to [Cyrus], and this is sincere. I am a comedian, and you guys know that whatever I say, I don't mean any of it. And sometimes, as comedians, as we do, we go a little bit too far.

I’M SO SICK AND TIRED of that "catchall." I’m hoping that in hindsight, Save-My-Own-Arse Jamie concludes this about himself:

"I was a despicable jerk and THAT’S why I went too far,"

and decides this isn’t really over until he gets into his car and drives to the Cyrus home, where he can make his sincerest regrets known and directly ask for Miley AND her family’s forgiveness. I will never forget the heartbreak in Billy Ray Cyrus’ eyes when, keeping steady for his daughter‘s sake , replied to Foxx’s make-amends during his first public appearance after the fact:

"IT WAS HURTFUL.
There wasn't nothing funny about it.
And, quite frankly,
I think if I said those things about his daughter,
he might not find it so comedic."

A PERSON IS LEFT TO wonder how Jamie Foxx mopped this mess up in terms of his relationship with his own 14-year-old, who like many daughters, keeps her pop on a pedestal. Sadly, I don‘t expect Jamie did the right thing in that instance, either.

MY COUPLE OF WORDS for Mr. Foxx ,

borrowed from

another favorite schnitzel of mine:

You’re OUT!

THREE (more) WORDS:
Auf Wiedersehen, Jamie.

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

Going Batty!

Zsa Zsa Gabor
wearing a universally figure-flattering
vampire waist ensemble,
that of which

creates the illusion
of length and camouflages
a somewhat generous backdoor.

"FEAR CAN SOMETIMES BE a useful emotion. For instance, let’s say you’re an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for

moon pieces,

wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he’s not Dracula, but you just say, ‘Think again, bat man!’" –Jack Handey

Happy
Jack Handey
Friday!

EASING INTO a marathon, destined to be one of magnifiquecal proportions (Hmm and ew! That description sounds sort of like a "BIG poo ," dudn’t it? I only meant to say, "We’re going the DVD distance."), my daughter, Puppet, and I started watching season one of

Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

a couple of days AND nights ago. Perpetually transfusing with Ovaltine and fortifying ourselves with a variety of caffeine-juiced up fodder (chocolate bunnies, Cadury this, Willie Wonka that, etc.) and cuckoo for Cocoa Puffing, has brought us, thus far, to the end of season two of this never-seen-by-us-before,-I-don’t-know,-where-were-we?-Sleeping-under-a-rock?, Emmy-Award winning, supernatural drama series about Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy and her Scooby Gang battling vampires, demons, and other forces of darkness, and WE’RE STILL GOING STRONG!!! So, I gotta make this short and sweet, because it’s ON WITH THE SHOW ALREADY!

HOWZABOUT, for now,
I let Zsa Zsa do the talking?
TAKE IT away, Miss Gabor!

"HOW MANY HUSBANDS have I had?
You mean apart from my own? "

ZSA ZSA, YOU’RE quite the...

Zsa Zsa!!
(She’s sunk her teeth into a few, too, eh?!)

Uncanny.

NOW, WHERE was I?
Oh, yeah,
Zsa Zsa. Zsa Zsa.
Don’t you just love saying that?!
Zsa Zsa! ZSA ZSA! ZSA ZSA!

TWO WORDS: Zsa Zsa!

AM I getting

punchy ,
or what?!

Have a great weekend, dahling!
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*


RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

P.S. I JUST DISCOVERED a melted Cadbury Mini Egg in my hoodie pocket! Do you think it’s safe to eat? I mean, what’s a little fuzz?

P.P.S.

Call me.

Look Out, Elaine Paige!

Please!
PLEASE !!
PLEASE!!!

PLEASE DO "CLICK" on

SUSAN BOYLE,
my latest, GREATEST hero!
("Click" the name, not the image. Thanks!)

MS. BOYLE STUNNED the judges during her audition for Britain’s Got Talent with her version of "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables, and now her performance is a YouTube hit, too! (She made it to the U.S.A. nightly news just minutes ago, as well!!) There are various video clips of the almost 48-year-old’s audition on the site, but the one I’ve linked, above, has been viewed an incredible 3,506,799 times, as of this writing!

ONE WORD:
BRAVISSIMO!!!

Dare to dream,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~ *

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

The Dog's Out of the Bag!

LOOKS LIKE THERE’S GOING to be some
happy faces smiling BIGger than BIGly

around the White House the next few days!

INTRODUCING

(Photo credit: Today)
Bo, Puppy in Chief

ALSO OUT of the bag:
The little teddy bear,
actually a gift from a fellow

(Senator Ted Kennedy and his Portuguese water dog, Splash,
who tails the senator all around Capitol Hill.
--Globe Photo / Chris Hartlove--)
Teddy bear,

and who, with tuxedo-black fur, white chest, white paws and a rakish white goatee, is perfectly suited for formal occasions at the White House, will make his official debut tomorrow afternoon!

WHAT A mighty fine way
to herald in this

Happy
Dog Day
Monday !

BY THE BY: POLITICAL PORTIE Bo will likely be adding this sweetly, Splash-penned smitch of literature to his "Must Reads" list (Yes, Bo’s been in training these last few weeks. I’m sure, along with "sit," "stay," "down," "leave it," "drop it," and "I SAID, DROP IT!!", Bo learned "read."):

I THINK I'LL SEE about getting
my paws on a copy, too, later on today,

as I received a

Barnes and Noble membership
for my birthday–
what better way to christen it!

SECOND BTB: Chappaquiddick or no, Teward Kennedy (along with the rest o’ the Kennedy clan, fo shizzle) has always held a special place in my heart. Can I leave you with a few of his doggie words?

"SPLASH IS PART of our family, but he's part of the senate family as well. He comes to work with me every day with his little niece Sunny and members of the senate dome. He's not allowed to go on the senate floor. He's troubled by that... [you laugh here] because he thinks, he says that they won't let him on because people will say that they don't think he knows how to behave. But actually, he says that he behaves a lot better than most senators."

TAKE IT FROM Splash:

FOUR WORDS: Wag more, bark less.

Kibbles and Bits, Kibbles and Bits, I'm gonna get me some Kibbles and Bits (late breakfast-time!),
SparkleFarkle~~~~~ *

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

P.S. WHOEVER THOUGHT they' d see
"Kennedy clan" and "fo shizzle"
in the same sentence?
Better still , for crying out loud,
whoever thought I'd be caught dead saying

?!