The Truth Is Out There

"QUIT YER whining, Moss, this ain’t nothin’!" –Maxwell Kirschner (Ray Milland) unsympathetically to Jack Moss (Rosey Grier) in The Thing with Two Heads (1972)

WELCOME TO another installment of ABC Wednesday Round Six (<-- a couple of days early: my treat!), where the fun is all about taking a weekly, alphabetical look at whatsup, this "go," beginning with "X." For seconds, thirds, etc., or to run this particular pot o’ gumbo dry (<– That is to say, read other participating bloggers’ twenty-fourth lettery takes), just click on the spooned lady Alphabet Soup-slurping, right over there (sidebar) --> Now grab a bowl and give that ladle a dip. It’s self-serve!

is for...

X-Piles - Unwanted visitors
from Uranus

WELL. THAT PRETTY MUCH says it all, dudn't it? Unless you’ve got something more to add? WAIT. Wait wait wait! I actually DO have a leetle smitch more for ya (Does that really surprise you? LOL!):

TWO WORDS:

Be prepared!!!

NO WORRIES.

everything will turn out
all right in the end.

Butt But for now, NO THANKS. I think I’ll stand-ly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

P.S. Just kidding!

My "caboose"
is doing juuuuuust fine.
I was desperate for a good "X" word, is all!
Forgive? Thanks!

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
X-Files poster: Atlantic Posters
X-Files "X," doctored: System of Systems
"X"Uranus: Originally downloaded at Messages from Earth
The Chartroose Caboose Poster: My Site

To Bieb or Not To Bieb

Canadian teen sensation Justin Bieber hams it up with vacationing soul and R&B singer/songwriter Seal, while Bahamas beachcombing during the countdown to his Atlantis Live Concert. (Atlantis Resort Paradise Island in Nassau, January 9, 2010)

HELLO AND HAPPY "Hi" to all you Microfictioners and Microfiction affectionados, as I welcome you to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday,
where the good-natured pandemonium is all about
a picture a picture painting a betweenable
140 characters, or even fewer!

CONFUSED? Maybe just a smitch? Then how about I give you the complete Microfiction Monday lowdown? Every Sunday evening, Miss Susan, over at Stony River, posts a shiny, bright new photo or illustration and her own "microfiction" inspired by it. At the same timely, she happily invites you to do the same! (REMINDER: The 140 plus or minus a few-count should include spaces and punctuation, too.)

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

"YES, Justin Bieber will be performing-- after us!" spouted an annoyed member of openers The Fishtones, attempting to quiet an impatient fan. –141 characters

Sea deeply yours,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Photo Credits:
Justin and Seal: Originally downloaded at fanpop! from an image originally uploaded by JustinPic-tures.org
1937 Vaudeville Mermaid: Ralph Chesse - Puppeteer

Picky Picky Picky!

Pandora

Pandora’s Box

"ONE WAY I think you can tell you have a curse on you is if you open a box of toothpicks and they all fly up and stick in your face." –Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

HAS THIS EVER happen to you? There you are, innocently scouring the Internet for vintage ant coops like the ones your Aunt Myrtle famously conquered her summertime kitchen pest control problems with, and you end up on an antique postcard website? Me, too!

YEAH, AND THEN AFTER oohing and aahing over my umpteenth look-at of mailable watercolor illustrations depicting baby kittens oozing out of ribboned baskets, I came across this:

TWO WORDS: What gives?!

I DON’T KNOW either. But I can offer this related hunch: the creator of this postcard-masterpiece was a great great great grand "somebody" of DJ Conner. In case you’re not the Roseanne-aholic that I am, I’ll fill you in. DJ (played by a very young Michael Fishman) is the youngest child of Roseanne (Roseanne Barr) and Dan (John Goodman) Conner on the ground-breaking (and my all-time favorite!) sitcom Roseanne (1988-1997 --Actually, into infinity. The show was put into off-network syndication beginning in September 1992 and is probably blasting away somewhere in the world in someone’s livingroom, right this very second!)

SWEET, LITTLE, looks-so-much-like-Roseanne-Barr-you’d-swear-she’d-put-one-of-her-real-life -kids-to-work-on-the-series

DJ
is, well... A LITTLE WEIRD.

ASIDE FROM him not having many friends, Deej spies on his sisters and neighbors while they change their clothes, eats cardboard and, in a much later episode, is so abnormally fixated on his aunt and cousin that she has to bar (Barr?) him from the house. (<-- Yeah, believe it or not, this is some of the finest comedy writing ever! 'Roseanne' (and its cast) has won so many awards, I can’t even begin to list them without boring you to tears. Instead, and if you’re really interested, go HERE for the accumulation.)

BUT IT'S installment five of season three, titled "Good Bye, Mr. Right" (Yes, it’s true. I am such a 'Roseanne' fanatic that I have all the episodes, seasons, titles, etc. --even a whole heck of a lot of dialogue-- committed to memory. *hangs head almost shamefully, but not quite because, what the hey, I do think it’s cool that I know this stuff by heart! (I don’t know what I’ll ever do with all this information, but I still think it’s rather cool!)* that immediately brain-surfaced for me when I laid eyes on the boxed-babies featured above. At one point in the show, DJ’s two older sisters, Becky and Darlene, find

(This, only doubled and crammed full.)
something disturbing

under his bed that makes them believe he's a complete psycho: two shoe boxes full of dismembered doll parts– limbs in one box and the heads in the other!(?) With faces on that suggests they are totally creeped out, the girls take the boxes to Roseanne as "proof" that DJ is insane. Surprisingly, though, their mom tells them to put the boxes back.

READY for the memorized dialogue?

ROSEANNE: (unimpressed about DJ’s secret, under-bed stash) He's a boy and boys do things like this...
DARLENE: Alright, but when we do finally have to lock the little wacko in the basement, don't expect me to change his papers.

LIKE I SAID, Roseanne had some pretty incredible writers, especially during the early half of its run. Um... Speaking of writing, did you know this about me? That I use to write Roseanne fanfiction? Let me know if you’d ever like a taste, (<-- Hint-hint!) A simple "yes" or "no" will do. Thanks! (FOR THE RECORD: Writing isn’t my true passion, travel is: I SEEM TO BE ALL OVER THE PLACE.)

Please humor me with a "yes"ly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Pandora photo: commons.wikimedia.org
Babies Popping out of Present: Country Joe’s Collectible stufff
DJ: sitcomsonline.com

Mane Squeeze

"WELL, BEAVER, this may be hard for you to believe, but life isn't exactly like television." --Ward Cleaver, Leave It to Beaver

JUST FOR today, though, wouldn't it be fun if it was?! Life exactly like TV? What the hey, I think I’m going to give it a shot! (How about you, are you "in"?) Yeah, I'm picking my all-time favorite episode of Leave It to Beaver, namely: "Wally's Haircomb"(Season 2, Episode 34/73 - 1959), and living it for the next twenty-four hours! It will definitely mean having to make an appointment with

Andy, the Cleaver’s cutting-edge barber

over at the Mayfair Barber Shop, who, two years later, mysteriously relocated to Mayberry, North Carolina, at which time he changed his name to Floyd Lawson and morphed into a vague and chatty man with a comb and scissors, styling hair for unusual named people such as Opie, Gomer, Goober, and Jubal –to mention a few. Hmm. If I’m going to make a success out of my plan for today, I’d better get a move on. It might take me a while to track down Andy or Floyd, or whatever the heck name he’s going by, now. WHAT?! You say

Actor Howard McNear (stage left)
passed away in ‘69???

Well, then who’s the guy chumming it up with the porky link in the picture, second one above?!)

I CAN’T wait! Having a spontaneous chunk of "authentic" rock & roll music shaken, not stirred, with a smitch of beatnik jazz added to the mix, playing every time I enter a room, is gonna be swell! (<– Beaverspeak) You’ll see what I mean in a sec, but first, a word from our sponsor (It wouldn’t be TVland with out a commercial, now would it?):

WELCOME TO another installment of ABC Wednesday Round Six, where the fun is all about taking a weekly, alphabetical look at whatsup, this "go," beginning with "W." For seconds, thirds, etc., or to run this particular pot o’ gumbo dry (<– That is to say, read other participating bloggers’ twenty-third lettery takes), just click on the spooned-lady Alphabet Soup-slurping, right over there (sidebar) --> Now grab a bowl and give that ladle a dip. It’s self-serve!

is for...

Wally Cleaver’s well-intentioned,
Sausage Roll hairdo!

TYPICALLY, men’s hair combed up and forward on both sides and brought together in the middle of the forehead with scads of Brylcreem (<– I once cleaned a sink with this stuff. It worked surprisingly well. Shiny! But take my word for it, toothpaste it’s not. I-I was only six.), or any other lubey pomade, would be referred to as a Jelly Roll, but coincidently, my mom was making

ring Polska Kielbasa

for supper, as I watched this particular Leave it to Beaver episode for the first time. Given my heritage, along The Magic That is Me, I couldn’t help but to latch onto the Polishwurst visual and use it for description purposes. (I guess I needed help, even back then.)

OH, AND FOR your viewing pleasure,
the piece de résistance:
The clip of clips clipped (<– Andy/Floydspeak) from

"Wally’s Haircomb"!
(Pay especially close attention at both the 3:28 and 4:39 marks.)

NOW IF THIS dealygoobob does pan out for me, I just know I’ll take one look at myself in the mirror, hear the music I’m longing to hear, and YES! Yet another major TV moment will indeed strike! Only this "go," it will be of the

(Hmm. Would that be Kielbasa under Johnny’s hood? It definitely is what will be giving my turban shape, that’s for sure!)
psychic-y Carnac the Magnificent variety.

You know, one of those times when
THE ANSWER POPS
BEFORE THE QUESTION DOES?

It will probably go something like this-- No,
I’m pretty sure it will go exactly like this:

*admires music-enhanced sausaged-locks
in reflection, then holds envelope to head*

Sparknac: (ANSWER) Sauerkraut!


*opens envelope and reads*
Sparknac: (QUESTION) What’s for supper?!

YIKES! I’m hardly up to Johnny Carson’s hermetical-sealed-and-kept-in-a-mayonnaise-jar-on-Funk & Wagnalls’-porch-since-noon-today standard, am I? SORRY, JOHNNY. But then again, my divining material was written by my I’m-hungry-let’s-put-on-a-three-day-Polish-feedbag stomach, and not a bunch of well-honed Tonight Show writers. LOL!

THIS HAS BEEN tah-ruly crazy, hasn’t it? I’ve got a great idea. Pretend I’m a knob on the televison and

THREE WORDS: turn me off!

"You know something, I'd rather do nothin' with you
than somethin' with anybody else"-ly,**
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

**Beaver said this sweet sentiment to his big bro Wally.
He said it was okay if I borrowed it and shared it with you.

Thanks, Beave!

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Beaver and Ward: Pop Literature
Polska sausage: RecipeTips.com
Carnac the Magnificent: Wikipedia
Sauerkraut dish: Kramarczuk.com

It’s a Cat Eat Dog World

HELLO AND HAPPY “Hi” to all you
Microfictioners and Microfiction affectionados,
as I welcome you to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday,
where the good-natured pandemonium is all about
a picture a picture painting a betweenable 140 characters, or even fewer!

CONFUSED? Maybe just a smitch? Then how about I give you the complete Microfiction Monday lowdown? Every Sunday evening, Miss Susan over tah Stony River posts a shiny, bright new photo or illustration and her own "microfiction" inspired by it. At the same timely, she happily invites you to do the same! (REMINDER: The 140 plus or minus a few-count should include spaces and punctuation, too.)

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

“A catfish arrow pointing the way?! Most definitely a trap!” thought Spot. Sinister meowing could be heard coming from across Lazy Dog Lake. –140 characters

AS THEY SAY in Vacationland,

EIGHT WORDS:
Having a wonderful time, wish you were here!

Multislackingly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zu Zu.

Image Credit:
“Jaws” cat originally downloaded at guy-sport.com

Does Anyone Care for Spiced Lamb Shanks?

Prosessors Virginia and Roger Klarvin,

pretentiously libidinous professors at a liberal arts college, who nauseatingly refer to each other as "my lov-ah," about to make Jacuzzi history when Virginia (Rachel Dratch) begins feeding Roger (Will Ferrell) baa baa meat while " "percolating" in the hot tub. (What makes this particular scene in the familiar Saturday Night Live "lovers" series so memorable? No one can keep their composure! The sheer ridiculousness of the sketch causes every actor to break character on live TV! Jimmy Fallon (also simmering in the foaming waters) begins losing it only two minutes into "Hot Tub Lovers," quickly followed by Ferrell, guest host Drew Barrymore ("cooking" as well), and then Dratch! (Have a looksee HERE.)

"I WISH I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway." --Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

ALTHOUGH MY Great Aunt Dorthea, who everyone fondly called Dixie Cup because she was tiny and sweet and fun and very cool and had a certain "belle-ness" about her (That is to say, she never perspired and, even though she was born and raised in a small town in Wisconsin and lived there her entire life, she talked with a thick southern accent.) passed away several years ago, we are just now finishing up with sorting her belongings and "distributing the wealth."

THE REASON it’s taken so long is partly because we miss Dixie so much; sifting through her belongings and treasured books (My aunt was an avid reader, especially history. "Ah say call me a ‘histerical’ woman cuz, ah declare, if it’s between a brand new pair of colo’ful, strappy, hah heel sandals or a hist’ry book, ya’ll better be handin’ me those pages about the past!" she’d announce. Her personal library collection spoke volumes about her literary appetite, and so did her shoes.) is like having her here again, and then, POOF! It sadly isn’t so... which is quite disconcerting... But mostly, it’s because, MAN, THAT WOMAN HAD A LOT OF STUFF!

LAST THURSDAY, my mom assigned me to Dixie Cup’s attic: uncharted territory. We don’t think Aunt D-cup (Yet another nickname, but not to her face– she wouldn’t think it was funny.) ever allowed anyone up there but herself. It’s where she stored her "retahred" (aka "retired") dresses and, behind the third rack of her full-skirted frocks, where I discovered something about my Great Aunt Dixie Cup that no one ever knew.

STANDING THERE IN organized, close together rows were dozens upon dozens of swelled Gimbels shopping bags brimming with Historical Romance novels!? The motherlode, I tell ya! Dixie’s typical history books, suspiciously without bent bindings and lining her bookshelves downstairs, were a mere fraction of what was going on here!

EACH BAG was labeled chronologically, starting with the year "1944," with the last sack having been marked "2000," all on which the word "Completed" had been scrawled with a red Grease Pencil. And, of course, I was curious (Who wouldn’t be? What an odd goldmine to have across!) and picked up the top copy from the "1944" bag, which looked like it had been purposefully place:

Forever Amber
by Kathleen Winsor (Published in 1944)

INSIDE THE FRONT cover, Dixie Cup had placed a
small rating (?) card, on which she’d scribbled:

Sold over 100,000 copies in its first week of release!
Ellipsis leave much to the imagination!
Condemned by the Catholic church!

ABRIDGEMENT: 17th Century bed-hopping Amber St. Clare makes her way up through the ranks of English society by "deed-doing" with and/or marrying "money," while keeping her love for the one man she could never have (The dashing soldier Bruce Carlton! On the contrary, I DO perspire!). I simply must reread this one sometime before the Pearly Gates open for me! Amber experiences it all!

Restoration Fashion
The Plague
Great London Fire
Favorite new secret vocabulary words: courtesan (that's the polite word for it) and jabot (sounds like an erotic verb, but it’s not)

I HAD TO chuckle, my Great Aunt Dorthea had indeed majored in History –with a minor in Rating Card Writing! <-- Each book had been issued one!

FANNING MYSELF after "here and there-ing" various other corset-ripping paperbacks that I had randomly grabbed from out of the book sacks, I longed for one of Aunt Dixie’s famous Mint Julips. "Cripes, is it ever hot in here!" I thought to myself,

(This particular title pretty much sums it up.)

as I zeroed in on familiar title sitting on the top of the heap in the final shopping bag (labeled "2000" --which just happened to be the year Heaven opened it’s doors to dear, sweet Dixie Cup) and on which, for one last time, the word "Completed!" (<-- Looky! This "go," with an exclamation point!) had been written. It was the reissue of

Forever Amber (published 2000)!

GOOD FOR YOU, you soft-spoken, well-mannered, never a gum chewer or smoker on the street, always wears a girdle and makeup to go out, cultured as a strand of pearls
Dixie Cup, YOU!

TWO WORDS: Full circle!

P.S. AFTER TELLING Mom it would mean the world to me, she said I could have all of Great Aunt Dixie’s history books!

P.P.S. I never told her about the ones in the attic.

BY THE BY, before I close today’s chapter (<– more bookspeak), I’ve got an important question to ask you. After seeing all those steamy novel covers (I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share, too.), I got to thinking: Who would you choose as your lovah, if you were going to be posed-and-captured on the cover of a Romance? In other words, who makes your eyes spin like

pinwheels?

MY CHOICE
and I’m not kidding:

Jimmy Fallon as Barry Gibb!

Talking about chest hair; talking about crazy, cool medallionsly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, ZuZu, and Great Aunt Dixie Cup.

God Only Nose What I’m Talking About Half the Time

WELCOME TO another installment of ABC Wednesday Round Six, where the fun is all about taking a weekly, alphabetical look at whatsup, this "go," beginning with "V." For seconds, thirds, etc., or to run this particular pot o’ gumbo dry (<– That is to say, read other participating bloggers’ twenty-second lettery takes), just "click" on the spooned lady Alphabet Soup-slurping, right over there (sidebar) --> No, not Betula. Up a smitch. Perfect! Now grab a bowl and dip the ladle; it’s self-serve!

is for...

Virginia Woolf’s nose
as performed by Nicole Kidman’s

special effected, Academy Award winning* schnoz, in an enactment "of astounding bravery, evoking the savage inner war waged by a brilliant mind against a system of faulty wiring that transmits a searing, crazy static into her brain" (<--The New York Times, December 27, 2002) in Stephen Daldry’s deeply moving film, The Hours.

(*BEATING OUT other mega-talented nominees: Renée Zellweger (Chicago), Julianne Moore (Far from Heaven), Salma Hayek (Frida) and Diane Lane (Unfaithful), Nicole Kidman took home the Best Actress in a Leading Role Oscar at the 75th Academy Awards in 2003. But it wasn’t easy. Ms. Kidman won by a nose.)

Thank you for not smoking.

I WONDER IF she kept it. Nicole and the faux nozzle, that is. Or did her prop snoyts peel off in pieces after the final shoot, rendering it useless? Because, man, if it didn’t, what a great movie-making souvenir!

HMM. IF IT was an option, and Kidman did decide to claim the "prize," I bet it was on account of the fact that her pop encouraged her to do so. Dads can be sentimental that way. Plus, it goes with out saying,

Father Nose Best

ONE WORD: GOTCHA!
(You didn’t see that one coming, did you?!)

Catch ya ‘round,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

P.S. BEST WISHES ahead of time to all you

Oom-Pa Pas
out there!
Deep down, this entry was just for you!
(FATHER’S DAY, SUNDAY, JUNE 20)

Sweetest dreams, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Lucy: TVland
"V": Public Domain
Nicole’s nose as Virginia’s nose originally downloaded at The Movies Spoiler
Father Knows Best: ClassicTVProgram.com
Clown nose: FotoSearch
Oom-pah instrument: Atomic Mall

Monkeys? The Root of All Evil?

SARSPARILLA ROOT: Best know as a flavouring for beverages (*thirst-quenching episode from childhood stages a flashback* Root Beer Stand!!! ), blending it with damiana leaves, juniper berries, cinnamon and sandalwood will arouse loving passion in your partner AND draw$ money! For a steady-money hand, combine sarsparilla, smartweed, fenugreek seeds, Irish moss and sassafras, plus one coin each of five different denominations and carry the stash in a green pouch anointed with very strong all-purpose candle-dressing oil. (In a pinch, make do with Wesson.

That’s

what Florence Henderson does.

WHAT?! Do you mean to tell me that when it comes to financial management, you don’t trust Carol Brady??? For crying out loud, COME ON ALREADY. Carol successfully balanced the Brady checkbook for five looong years, and since the show then went into national and, I think it’s safe to say, permanent syndication, she’s still and will always be having at it. I dunno. To me, that's $ay$ $omething. So tell me, then, who do you trust? I THOUGHT SO.)

BY THE BY: Monkeys don't own green pouches. So, if that’s what you have in common with them, keep the magic mix in your monkey pocket instead, but don’t forget to go with the self-anointy nointy. Not to worry, this will all make perfect sense soon. I hope. READ ON.

WHEW! What a mouthful!
And I haven’t even gotten started yet!

HELLO AND HAPPY "Hi" again to all you
Microfictioners and Microfiction affectionados
as I welcome you to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday,
where the good-natured pandemonium

AKA Barrel of Monkeys
is all about a picture a picture painting
a betweenable 140 characters, or even fewer!

CONFUSED? Maybe just a smitch? Then how about I give you the complete Microfiction Monday lowdown? Every Sunday evening, Miss Susan over at Stony River posts a shiny, bright new photo or illustration and her own "microfiction" inspired by it. Same timely, she happily invites you to do the same! (REMINDER: The 140 plus or minus a few-count should include spaces and punctuation, too.)

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

RECENTLY NAMED sole beneficiary of Ettie’s will, Harland’s eyes verged into $$ as she downed yet another cup of his Sasparilly-Antifreeze Tea. –142 characters

TWO WORDS: monkey business!

May a great week be yours and I gotta runly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits;
sarsaparilla root originally downloaded at Herb-Magic.com
Barrel of Monkeys: Pixar Planet
Florence Henderson: courtesy of Nancie Marsalis