Door-to-Door Flash Fic

"I’ll take Door Number Two, Monty. No, One!...NO, THREE. Three!
No, Two! Make it two...ONE! I mean one!... THREE.
I’m gonna stick with thre--TWO...One? Should I take one?..."

HELLO, Microfictioners and Microfiction afictionados
and welcome to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday
hosted by Miss Susan over tah Stony River,
where the good-natured pandemonium is all about
a picture painting a betweenable 140 characters
(or even fewer)!

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

Sheila entered and suddenly felt dreadfully indecisive. Too bad she’d missed the fallen door-sign that warned: "Between a Rock and a Hard Place." –145 characters

FIVE WORDS:

Adoorably yours,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

I Urine for a Second Bathroom

"WHETHER THEY LIVE in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world want the same thing: a better house!" –Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

My Husband Billy: On Top of the World Wherever
and Whenever He is "Sitting Pretty" AKA "Frequent-Flying"

WHAT’S SMALLER THAN a breadbox,
pointy and Farkle-filled?
Give up?

Our house!

PLEASE DON'T get me wrong, we truly adore our itty, leetle-bitty abode, all nice and cozy with us inside! Yup, we love everything about it...er...well...except for maybe THE BATHROOM. Not because it compares to a phone booth minus the phone and plus a bowl, but because we have only the one. For three people (an avid "reader," a teenage girl and, of course, the ever flawless me!), the situation is, for the most part, quite challenging. Take for instance, yesterday:

AFTER NEARLY one hour, forty-three minutes and thirty-seven seconds, TO BE EXACT, my daughter Puppet and I, both of who had since morphed into human pretzels perched on the livingroom couch, were still Desperately (with a capital "D") waiting to use the restroom that my loving, me-myself-and-I-when-it-comes-to-our-loo husband, Bill, had claimed for his own. AGAIN.

KNOWING THAT BILLY goes selectively deaf as soon as our bathroom door closes behind him, there was no point in us keep calling up to him to remind him that, as fellow members of the Animal Kingdom, we also have to "go" every once in a while. So, to help separate our heads from the discomfort that my daughter and I were dealing with (and to also avoid the alternative: bladder tourniquetting), we decided to distract ourselves by playing a random question and answer game. But it was only a few Q & As-at-each-other later, which added up to mere minutes on the clock, when our prolonged prolonged agony begged us to call it quits --rather to scour the house for two empty mayonnaise jars and privately put them to "good use," if you know what I mean. I closed the game with one final question. It went (<---mind you, we didn't) like this:

Me: You’re familiar with frequent-flyer programs, aren’t you? Suppose there was a similar program to reward you with ca$h for something else you do frequently in your life. What would it be?
Puppet: (pauses, then raises eyebrow) May I speak for Dad instead?

(JUST THEN, we hear the toilet flushing above us. We turn to look each other with an 'Are you thinking what I’m thinking?!" look on our faces.)

Me and Puppet: (to each other and in unison) WE'D BE RICH!!!

WITH THAT being heraldy declared, my husband came lighter-than-airly prancing down the stairs, whistling to the tune of "To Dream the Impo$$ible Dream" (?!?!)

ONE WORD: Psychic!

Hey, whadja expect
on a Jack Handey Friday?

GOT YOURSELF some friendly skies today?

Fly ‘em!
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest peaceful-like, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credit:
globe man: originally downloaded by KairostCheck

“Lipstick Is Not Just for Looking Glamorous; It Can Be Used to Signal for Help on Windows and Other Surfaces.” –N. Drew

DO YOU MIND if I happily put a smitch more of the Magic That is Me into your pipe and have you smoke it? Here goes: I love glitter, including just about anything Tinseltowny! And *breathes on fingernails and polishes them on one lapel* I especially take pride in myself for knowing the

Hollywood Walk of Fame,
inside and out.

(JUST IN CASE you’ve been living under a rock never found yourself reading a People magazine while waiting in a grocery store line, or cracked open a Photoplay, Movie Screen, or any other of the first celebrity gossip mags literary cultural time capsules that chronicled favorite star foibles, their latest movie or TV projects, and gossip about their husbands/wives/sons/daughters---and since the latter were the “books” from which I learned to read---then you probably haven’t "walked 'The Walk'" like I have. If that be the circumstance, I’d be glad to edify: The Hollywood Walk of Fame is Hollywood's tribute to its Bright and Shinies of yesterday and today, immortalizing the chosen with a star on the sidewalk in their honor. By the by: the Hollywood Walk of Fame lines both sides of Hollywood Boulevard from Gower to La Brea, and both sides of Vine Street, from Yucca to Sunset.)

MIGHT I, then, sprinkle you with another smitchmore? Namely: some HW of F Stars trivia? Be my guest, SparkleFarkle! Don’t mind if I do:

OUT OF the approximately 2,150 cement-embedded, pointy acknowledgments, which weigh about 300 pounds each, four stars have been stolen from the Walk of Fame. (In 2000 James Stewart’s and Kirk Douglas’ disappeared from their locations, where they had been temporarily removed for a street overhaul project. Luckily, both, significantly damaged (<– They had to be remade.), were recovered by police (Starsky and Hutch?!) during a search of a construction worker’s house. One of Gene Autry’s five stars (*scratches head* I’m not sure which one. Oops! I guess I don’t know everything.) was also stolen from a construction area. But the most brazen-faced thieving occurred in 2005, when evil swipers used a concrete saw to pluck Gregory Peck’s star from its Hollywood Boulevard site! Oh, the humanity!!!)

WHAT DOES THIS have to do with anything, you ask?
Well, today, it’s my inspiration:
Welcome to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday
with your host Miss Susan over tah Stony River,
where the good-natured pandemonium is all about
a picture painting a betweenable 140 characters, or even fewer!

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

Newly released Nakey Drew and the Secret of the Disappearing Walk of Fame Stars had amateur sleuth fans wanting to judge a book by

its cover!
--141 characters

THREE WORDS: Get caught reading.

A star is bornly,

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Nancy Drew end page: Simon and Schuster
HW of F star: Big Orange Landmarks

Go Fish!

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" bloop-ranted the angry fish, who then defiantly showed carnival midway game players who was really boss by swallowing the ammo just fired at him.

“PERHAPS, IF I AM very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by man.” –Jack Handey

ALMOST EVERYONE has something that he or she considers a sure thing. You know, a hidden strength or talent, a secret certainty, a something that can supply a sure victory when revealed, or an advantage or a resource kept back until the proper opportunity presents itself. So, what say you? What is your “ace in the hole”?

WHAT I KNOW for certain is that I will always
go home with the prize, whenever I play

Goldfish Ping Pong.

No matter if the game I’m involved in is at a carnival, a state or county fair, a neighborhood festival, or even a little something we’ve set up at the kitchen table, just for the halibut the fun of it! (<– Because, when it comes to the number of goldfish I have on hand, you’d be surprised!)

I CAN’T EXPLAIN why, but it’s true: no matter how I fling that little, white table tennissy ball, it ends up right where all the other game players wish theirs would –especially the carnival goer-guys trying to impress their girlfriends, or the keep-coming-up-empty pops who have already forked over twenty-some odd dollars in an effort to stifle their crying child who wants “a Cleo, just like the one in Pinocchio, Daddy!” (SEVENTEEN WORDS: Too bad the Ping Pong balls I toss at goldfished-bowls aren’t me cashing in lottery tickets instead.)

HMM. Come to think of it,
I did always run to the TV, whenever

Mr. Moose (right), best know for his riddles and knock-knock jokes that resulted in hundreds of Ping Pong balls cascading from above and hitting Captain Kangaroo in the head, as he laughed at him.

Mr. Moose was about to have it “rain” on the Captain. Maybe some sort of magic rubbed off on me during that process. Yeah, that has to have something to do with it!

AND:
Oo! Oo! Oo!
To have your own Ping Pong Goldfish fun,
“click” HERE !

Best fishes, gold or otherwisely,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Sweet dreams, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Image Credits:
Ping Pong fish: My Fish Forum
“game” table originally dowloaded by Some Pink Flowers
Captain K and Mr. Moose: TV Party

Sock It to Me! VS. Wooden It Be Nice?

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it--> A Very Special Edit: Please click on BECKY to wish her a mighty BIG congratulations for being chosen Blogger of Note by WOW (Words of Wisdom - "She’s Got Spunk!")! Then, backtrack to click on Ms. Povich’s "Follow," because, hey, you won’t be sorry. Best wishes to you, dear Becky!

WELCOME TO my second contribution to Debbiedoos B & A (Before and After) Party! For other participants’ offerings, just click on Mr. Dumpty riding shotgun -->

Being particularly fond of to the "sock" variety,
the following would prove to be a lane change for me.

DID YOU KNOW this about me? That I have an ongoing love affair with puppets? Yes, I have been enamored with all things poppet and Pinocch for as far back as I can remember. And probably then some, as my mom likes to tell the story of how a fretful infant-me could only be soothed by covering my little hands with those teensy, cotton mitties that mamas, especially during the Fifties (<– the time period in which I was hatched), would place on their bébés’ paw-paws to prevent them from accidentally giving themselves facial scratches.

Perhaps what only I saw?

IN ALL likelihood, THAT was the "outward" beginning of my love affair with puppets. (Mom said I was also very active in utero, comparing my "inside antics" to that of a Punch and Judy performance.)

DID YOU further know that, later, whenever creators Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s televison puppet shows (among my favourites:

Fireball XL5 ,

Thunderbirds,

and

Stingray)

hit the airwaves, you would find me plastered to and un-peelable from the TV set. (FYI taken from TVparty.com, that of which you can skip, if you’re not in the least bit interested, because whew! This next smitch of text will prove tedious and boring to read for those of you on-the-edge-of-your-seaters waiting for the "Before and After" shots: "What was different about these programs was that Anderson and his company had developed special sophisticated puppeteering techniques -->later known as Supermarionation<-- which allowed them to build and use puppets that grew more lifelike as each successive series debuted.

A mix of dramatic music, science, and special effects combined with meticulously detailed miniature sets and costumes, resulted in surprisingly lifelike live action-drama, each staged in a futuristic setting. Each puppet character was unique, some sporting heavily caricatured facial features.

Later programs featured puppet faces that were modeled on those of the artists who actually supplied their voices. A complex electronic lip-sync mechanism was fitted into each puppet which enabled its mouth to move at the same time the artist spoke.")

I WAS the Andersons’ "stars’" BIGGEST fan–-
especially of Fireball XL5's

Dr. Venus,
space medicine expert extraordinaire
and romantic love interest of handsome pilot Steve Zodiac.

SO, WHEN I found an online course in marionette making last Thursday, I was ecstatic! Since I’ve always wanted to try my hand at fabricating a puppet just like the ones that Gerry and his gang made cult-popular, THIS would truly be a day in Paradise for me –and it was!

Here’s my "BEFORE":

And here’s my "AFTER":

I think I’ll name her Pam.

About to rummage through the junk drawer because as of right now, Pammy’s "got no strings to tie her down"-ly
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Fireball XL5: Tvplay Video
Thunderbirds: DayMix.com
Stingray crew: FAB1http://www.fab1/
Dr. Venus: Book Mice
marionette almost-body: Modern Day Geppeto
Pam Anderson: osoblog

Lobster Tale

HAPPY "Hi!" to all you Microfictioners and Microfiction affectionados and welcome to another fun-loving chapter of

Microfiction Monday,
where the good-natured pandemonium is all about a picture a picture painting a betweenable 140 characters, or even fewer!

CONFUSED? Maybe just a smitch? Then how about I give you the complete Microfiction Monday lowdown? Sunday evenings, Miss Susan over at Stony River posts a shiny,-bright, new photo or illustration and her own "microfiction" inspired by it. At the same timely, she happily invites you to do the same! (REMINDER: The 140 plus or minus a few-count should include spaces and punctuation, too.)

Here’s
THIS WEEK’S IMAGE
and MY STORY:

Mistaking a flower for an anemone, Sebastian realised getting hit in the face with a 2x4 did nothing for his vision, let alone his love life. -141 characters

SEVEN WORDS: Truly, his Bonnie lies under the ocean.

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

Because, of course, I can never leave well enough alone
(It’s the magic that is me!):

A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT had a sign in the window that read: BIG LOBSTER TALES - $5 DOLLARS EACH. Amazed at the great value, a man stepped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails. Is that correct?"
"Yes sir," she said. "It’s our special just for today."
"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No sir," she replied, "it’s the really big lobster."
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!"
"No sir, they’re definitely today’s."
"Today’s big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes sir," she insisted.
"Well, here’s my five dollars," he said. "I’ll take one."

The waitress took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. Then sat down next to him. Putting her hand on his shoulder, she leaned over close to him and said: "Once upon a time, there was a really big, red lobster..."

Sea what I mean?

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Rose Anemone: Britannica.com
waitress: River Front Times

Charmed, I'm Sure!

“IF I COULD BE any kind of dog, I think I’d be one of those yappy dogs, because while you’re sitting on the couch trying to sound real smart, I’m just sitting there yapping away. Just yappin’ and yappin’ and there’s nothing you can do about it, because I live here.” –Jack Handey

I DUNNO, call it a...a ... midlife crisis? I mean, what DO you name it when you come to that point in your life where, a few short months ago, you suddenly begin entertaining thoughts of collecting

Chihuahua dogs?
In assorted colours.
Even all tan would be okay.

ALTHOUGH I HAVE NEVER especially

regarded the Chihuahua to be

a thing of beauty
to be lingered over and appreciated

(Except for a moment, when I just a smitch paging through one of my gramma’s magazines and came across an ad displaying one in a teacup. But then again, I think it was all about the cup. To quench my tiny dog-thirst, or whatever it really was, Gramma let her accommodating, forever hamming it up canary, Jimbo (?), take a bath in a cup from the Good Dishes. Then, after we washed the “tub” and set the table with a couple more of the fancy mugs, the three of us had cookies and milk together! I was just fine with that. (Looking back, I think it’s safe to say that I've been easily distracted from the get-go.) And anyway, like my gramma told me, “Those Chihueys sure are cute! --while they’re still young next-to-nothin’s, that is. Mark my spewin’s: when they start to git old around the edges,

little knobs

middled with a hair as long as the dogs are, can come to stay on some of their pointy-head faces. I’m just saying, you’d be surprised.” My grandmother had a way with words.), from out of the blue and for good reason, I guess, despite the fact that adding new members to our household is totally out of the question, no matter if they are merely speck-size and so is their poop, I want

Jayne Mansfield showing off --dare I say it?-- her puppies.
a bunch
of them!

BUT NOT so I can turn the lot into expensy-dressed fashionistas who travel in designer bags fabricated exclusively for that purpose, or to oblivious-to-the-rest-of-the-world push them around in strollers while a crochet beer can hat is busy shading me from nasty Ultraviolets. OH, nay-nay! Instead, I want to attach my Chihuahua accumulation to a big, chain ring connected to a leash, so I can walk my very own living and small arfing

charm bracelet!

COME TO THINK of it,

Morticia Addams, contemplating an idea for a new piece of "breathing" jewelry.
pugs are nice, too.

Maybe I should consider pugs.
Less yappy.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

ONE WORD: Crazy!

I'd better just

just stick to the routine
and get a canary who enjoys dunking

Cameos.

Pet shop weekend aheadly?
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Charmed poster girls originally downloaded at International Hero
Clock: Web Panache
Chihuahua: Web Panache
door knobs: brownstoner.com
Jayne Mansfield wearing her puppies: originally downloaded at Glamarama
Chi Hooah Hooah Bracelet: Esquivel & Fees
Pugsley and His Mother: AddamsFamily.com

Zo long, Farewell, Auf Wiederzehen, Adieu

TWO WORDS: Wave bye-bye!

BELIEVE IT or not, it’s already time to raise a mitty and put it in motion. Yeppers, ABC Wednesday Round Six comes to a close today, as letter twenty-six seems to have arrived much sooner than I expected. (Oh, and don’t forget to final-click on AlphaBetty, sidebarring with soup spoon in hand-->. She’ll be glad to take you to other participating bloggers’ last “slurps” of this round.)

is for...

zeirrebkcalb,
more commonly known as

blackberriez
spelled backwards!

It’s a “Z” stretch, I know, but since I just savored a major sprinkling of them for breakfast this morning (<– They were grand!), I thought it was THE way to go!

THANK YOU berry much for reading me and thanky, too, to Denise and the gang for making this fun meme-game possible!

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Sweet dreams, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image Credits:
Waving “Good-Bye!”: placestudies.com
Cufflink: Ningbo Yinzhou Minghui Fashion Co., Ltd.
Blackberried teacup originally downloaded by SarahBlankStudios.com
Gentleman eating breakfast: diabistro.com

CTU, This Is Bauer... We've Got a Problem

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!
(But I’m not really all that "happy." Please read why.)

“Listen, sweetheart, *sinisterly laughs* we are no picnic.” –Ant-In-Charge Ant

“I’M NOT afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they fire it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands." --Jack Handey

“Ma Ma? It’s Jackie.
*begins to cry like a potato-baby* *
Nobody wants to play with me!”

*Potato-baby because, as you may have read in my previous blog entries, where Jack Bauer/Kiefer Sutherland has made cameo appearances, I think his "real" dad has got to be Mr. Potato Head. Even though, I love Jack/The Kiefman dearly and to pieces and worship every speck o’ the dirt he was dug up from walks on, I think Bauer/Sutherland has some spud in him: to me he resembles a potato.

Five Jack Bauer “Fun” Facts
OR
Jack is My Hero, He Can Be Your Hero, Too!

1. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
2. After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
3. Jack Bauer understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.
4. Jack Bauer is the only reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. Don't even ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.

THESE ARE JUST a few of the reasons (You can find 137 pages more HERE .) I omit a high pitch during the last portion of the phrase in addition to stretching the "what" as long as deemed necessary by the user to accurately model the timbre of the phrase to follow will make like a bicycle horn and “honk”

TWO WORDS: Say whaaaat?!!
Because, yes, it’s true. “So in its final season


Lost
gets a slew of big nominations while the best the Emmys can do for 24 is give Gregory Itzin another Guest Actor nomination? I guess the voters don't care that Kiefer Sutherland's

Jack Bauer

saved the world ... again!” (<– “Borrowed” from John Kubicek, Senior Writer, Buddy TV, who was thinking what I was thinking, only he said it first ...Actually, I said it first. But since John does this online television-insight column read by tons of millions of people, and got all bent out of shape merely with the thought of me not letting him use my mini-rant to write his he kindly asked me if he could put my words out there for everyone to agree with.) And by the by, Jack would get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

WHICH BRINGS me to the Question of the Day: How do you like your potatoes? Mashed, scalloped, fried, french fried, oven roasted? Au gratinned, croquetted, creamed, boiled? Stuffed, totted, lyonnaised, hashed brown, baked? Or perhaps half-baked <--like all those Emmy voters who snubbed 24! (<-- Am I crushed about this, or what? LOL!) Just remember this, Mr. Bauer, award or no award, I will always love

you.

HMM.

*thinks of a better Question of the Day while signing off*
What would you do for a Klondike Bar?-ly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, Zuzie, and 24.

T-shirt: zazzle.com
terrorist ants: Alex Wild/Photographer
potato head: wallpapergate.com
Jack calling home: SceneChange.com

This Won’t Hurt a Bit

Come meow-closer...
Closer... Meow-closer...

*adjusts strong light source above and behind the “patient,” aiming it at catself, flips down the mirror to cover one eye and looks out medical peephole, still maintaining binocular vision*

HMMM. Just as I thought. Diagnosis: good times ahead! Yesireebob, starting today and then every other Wednesday thereafter, Debbie at Debbiedoos (You maybe know her better as Oprah’s Soon-to-Be Next Shiny-bright Star: see Debbie’s Audition to win her own show HERE.) will host

a before and after party
where the fun is all about posting before and after projects, no matter how big or small, just as long as you’re creative.

WELL, WELL, well. I’m not so much with the crafts. No makeup, manicure or pedicure step-by-steps on my agenda either. (For that matter, I’m allergic to our family’s digital camera, and even more sensitive to uploading the pictures. If I’m able to pull this off, I’ll be featuring “snapshots” from the Google Gallery.) That is why I got my medical degree in plastic surgery over the weekend. I was anticipating B & F Wednesday: the pressure was on! Thank God

Dr. Rey
hands out online diplomas like they’re candy.

FORTUNATELY FOR me (not so much for her), Neytiri, the female Na'vi who rescues Jake from other predators in the forest in James Cameron’s epic science fiction film Avatar and, most recently, Heidi Pratt’s biggest fan, went “Hollywood.” By that I mean she thought it was necessary to improve on a good thing: her looks. I had to agree with Neytiri: becoming my first client probably wasn’t the way to go.

Before

After

I IMMEDIATELY dismissed myself from the medical profession and became a career consultant. Tired of picking up after never-lift-a-finger dwarfs and dodging poison apples, Snow White came to me for professional guidance in determining what her next career move should be. I strongly suggested a name change, and then pushed her out the door and in the right direction.

Before

After

ONE WORD: Success!

And a good time was had by all-ly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, ZuZu, and my medical license.

Image Credits:
Head mirror: Polite Dissent Smurfettehttp://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80586463/