All I Want for Christmas Is a Can of Raid

If I were in charge of farm hat distribution.

"SOMETIMES KIDS are so cruel to animals, especially insects. I remember one time I caught this grasshopper, and I made him wear a little straw hat I made. Also a little pair of denim overalls. I made him hold this little tiny pitchfork. So guess what he looked like? What is the enemy of the grasshopper and the one thing he wouldn't want to look like? That's right, a farmer." --Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY,
all!
. . . . . . .

Disney's Grasshopper with a devil-may-care, don't-give-a-rat's-arse, party-on attitude that, back-in-the-day (and even nowly), impacted me.

I WAS BORN worry worty. And as a smitch I was also afraid of nearly everything. So, lots of times, I would temporarily remedy these "unsettling situations" (<--a kind way of putting "gone abnormally cuckoo over everyday life") by entering television cartoons. Yeah, *buffs nails on lapel* I actually could do that. (Are you truly that surprised? LOL! I didn't think so. More like "impressed," though, huh? Right?! I knew it!) And I still do it. (Come on, does that really surprised you either? *makes with a BIG har-dee-har-har* I didn't think so, again!) Yep, but not so much with the continuous-y. Now it's on a PRN basis... or just for fun! <--Because what the hey and why not?! "Know thy medicine and when to take it," says SparkleFarkle.

This used to be YIKES!

AND AS FOR eradicating any traces of congenital entomophobia, in particular myrmecophobia (a MAJOR fear of ants!)--merely only just a couple of the numerous, back-then fears to top the ENORMOUS stringer of my BIGliest smitchhood frights, which, togethered OR apartly, are phobias that could have gotten in the way of me implementing my self-invented, "televised-y" coping mechanism--I had no other recourse then to convince myself bugs could and did talk, especially to me! (FYI: "We" did it telepathically, so that my family and friends would remain none the wiser. Because I was an early reader, which included worry-warty absorbing a newspaper "tale" about psychiatric despair in a place called "Bellevue," this was smart of me, don't you think?! *proudly pats Child Within on the back*) Spiders are a whole nuther story --that of which I WILL NEVER BE GOING TO GO TO THERE, because CRIPES! I can't even say the word "spider" out loud, so scaredy-cat I am of them!

VIDEO PRELUDE TO this "What Ever in the Heck are You Trying to Get at Already, SparkleFarkle?!" sitchiation (Before the start of the Silly Symphony, below, please and thank you to OFFing the button on my Playlist (featured waaay caboosely on my blog page), or the the double-audio feed will drive you mad. That is, of course, if I haven't already. LOL!):

FOR YOUR CONVIENCE, A GISTY, SPOILER ALERTY SUMMARY: "A grasshopper hops through the forest, playing his fiddle and enjoying life to the fullest. He even sings a song, 'The World Owes Me a Living,' that reflects his world view. Everything in his life is owed to him by the world at large, thus, he does not need to look to the future. This does not work well with a colony of nearby ants. When the grasshopper distracts one of them from preparing for winter, the queen of the ants gets quite upset and tells the grasshopper that he will suffer that winter. The grasshopper isn’t convinced, to say the least. Of course, though, winter comes around, and the grasshopper collapses outside the ants’ tree. The ants are busy inside making merry with all the provisions they gathered, but they take time to take in the grasshopper and warm him up. The queen chastises him, but lets him stay if he’ll entertain them with his fiddle."--Ryan Kilpatrick, The Encyclopedia of Disney Animated Shorts

BUT TAKE-THE-WIND-OUT-OF-MY-SAILS sadly, even though a me-inside-the-TV loved side by siding it up with the industrious, wittler-than-wittle ant cutie pies, I couldn't for the life of me get passed how much the grasshopper as a "person," put me totally at un-ease! He scared me in a way I had never been scared before: BEJESUSLY. "Crappers!" I "swore" to my new-way-frightened self, then prayed,"Dear God, please don't let me ever in a million zillion years have to be near the likes of a grasshopper-losery someone like him! Amen." (Uh-huh, me attaching a "Y" to the end of some words actually did have an early beginning.)

BUT WOULDN'T YOU KNOW it? Over the last several years (31 to be exact), but, come to think of it, probably just midway into that first one, I came to realize

(FOUR WORDS:)

I MARRIED ME ONE.
(It's not the spitting, so much,
but rather the lack of ambition that alarms me most.)

RATS to time after time, deep-sighly finding myself asking me, "Why, oh, why didn't you companion up with a hard-working,

lusty farmer?"

OR maybe better yet,

an ant?!
*suddenly becomes a
"'Magic That is Me!' Bug" bug bite recipient*

OR how 'bout

a moose who occasional wears
a straw hat,
because, hey, I hear there's money in TV!
. . . . . .

Er... Honey?
If you're reading this,

Baby, it's cold outside.
And, it's gonna to get even "colder,"
if you don't at least take the garbage out already.

. . . . . . .

HM.

SHALL WE TRY TO sew this up on a brighter note?
LET'S SHALL!

AN "AGAIN, ABOUT THE CARTOON" BY THE BY: Ever since I was a smitch sitting two inches away from The Tube, watching Disney's A Mickey Mouse Cartoon called "The Grasshopper and the Ants," I've been thinking I couldn't be happier than if I lived in that tree stump that the ants do! What do you mean, "What tree stump? What ants?" You didn't watch the above video, did you? Well, then, I guess you'd better get hoppin'!

Laughing out loudly yours,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.