That's What She Said

FIVE WORDS:
Sure gonna miss you, Michael.

Luv, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

P.S.
I SHALL set my boo-hooing aside just long enough to say,

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

“PLAYING DEAD not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings." –Jack Handey

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Image credit: TV.com

The Edible Rorschach

WELCOME TO Grandma’s Goulash’s Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful once-upon-a-timey meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh?! *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge? Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "quaint," which I chose to pass on, since that part of the game is optional. Whew!)

HERE IS April 25th's picture
AND My Story:

“Has anyone seen my chocolate bunny?!” she near-hysterically mooed. None of the girls had the heart to tell Midge it was where she last sat.
–140 characters

. . . . . . .

TEN WORDS TO literally LIVE BY
from one lucky rabbit:

Sometimes,
it is better to be

the one that got away

Best wishes,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, Mollo, Zuzie, and the one that didn’t get away.

I'm Eggstra Early, But with Good Reason

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!

TYPICALLY, MY START of the weekend belongs to Jack Handey, but since that turns out to be Good Friday, which is always a struggle for me, probably due to too many doings of The Stations of the Cross in Catholic grade school, instead of hops down the Bunny Trail, come Eastertime? I dunno. For sure, though, it's clear to me that this particular Friday always has me very sad. I mean really, really sad, because just think about what poor Christ was up to right around 3:00 PM that very day. (But don't think about it too long and hard right now, that is, or it will get to you ahead of time, just like I'm letting it do to me, because --RATS!-- I have been Dominican Sisters-ly trained in the Jesus-Died-for-YOU- Dammit way of thinking!) Call me oversensitive (or-or better yet, generously nod in agreement when I say that I am more like that Empath on Star Trek than I want to be, because that's it exactly), but, seriously, no amount of "YIKES!!" and tears covers how Jesus Dying on the Cross effects me. (If I had my druthers, I'd take Baby Jesus, or even Teenage JC Turning Over the Temple Tables, as opposed to Nailed and Just Hanging There Because of Our Sins Jesus, any day.) I guess my nun-teachers are truly accomplished, if painfully driving home the tortures of Easter (oozy spike wounds, homemade hat with shardy-sharp thorns worn tight, gaping side-hole caused by spea-- SORRY! I-I'm traumatizing you, aren't I? I'm so very sorry. My apologies. That wasn't my intention at all, because surely you'd be calling me Sister Mary SparkleFarkle, if it was.) and searing that reason-for-the-season lesson into innocent little heads to flashback on for all eternity, was the point. Ouch, Sister Louis-Marie de Montfort! Ouch, I say, and you win, because IT'S STILL WORKING. ...I guess this is why they invented chocolate bunnies. Chocolate bunnies are soothing. They are the Easter medicine that you gotta know when to take. Hm. That's what that the Roman soldier should have given Late in the Afternoon Jesus, when He asked for a quencher, instead of that First Century Gatorade.

ANYWAY, come Friday, since Jack and me will be toasting Our Savior with the comfort food He so deserved, my regularly scheduled Jack Handey Friday will be on the Pre-empted Jack Handey Fridays shelf until next week. And, likely that it is that I won't be back to add another chapter to my bloggy page before Sunday or Monday, again I wish you a

Happy Easter!
AND REMEMBER this
(FIVE WORDS):

There are no bad eggs.

Luv, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Weather You Like It or Not

*watches a possible six to eight inches of snow
falling from the Wisconsiny sky*

I KNOW a little
"someone"
who I hope is living under the Witness Protection Program, today
--and I don't mean Bill Murray.

JUST KIDDING!
BUT, NO, not about the weather,
because if you know me, and I know I do,
I've got
NINE WORDS:

Let it snow!
Let it snow!
Let it snow!

Luv,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, ZuZu, and spring-- at least for today!

Walk a Cow Through the Garden and Pin a Rose On It!

WELCOME TO Grandma’s Goulash’s Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful once-upon-a-timey meme that picks up where our dearly departed microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 words or 140 characters. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh?! *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge? Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "request," which I chose to pass on, since that part of the game is optional --unless, of course, I instead use it to name my fast story, because as far as that "shoe" fitting, it most definitely does, so I think I'll let it wear it!)

HERE IS April 18th's picture AND My Story:

THE REQUEST, Sort Of

(Thomas Edison and Henry Ford)

"I'LL GLADLY PAY YOU Tuesday for a hamburger today," again 'Wimpied' Thomas, whose true passion was not inventing the phonograph, the motion picture camera, or a long-lasting, practical electric light bulb. Oh, nay nay. It was doing celebrity impressions and --Hot dang!-- he was good at it, if he did say so himself! And he did –every chance he got. EVERY. (Did I say celebrity impressions? Better make that limited celebrity impressions. Yep. As in "just that one.") You're a legend in your own mind, thought his fellow developer, dear friend, and reluctant audience, Henry, ready to pull his hair out. --101 words

PRETTY CORNBALL, eh?

What can I say?

I know!

ELEVEN WORDS: “I YAM WHAT I yam and that’s all that I yam.” —Popeye AND Me

Toot-toot!

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

RATS! My formatting is still screwed up. Oh, well. It is a smitch bit better. Sort of...

Will the Ay Yi Yis Have It?

“I THINK a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him." –Jack Handey

HAPPY Today’s Dose of Jack Handey! (Handeyisms: Not Just for Fridays Anymore!),

immediately followed by that portion of the “show" which I like to refer to as

“Please, Sir, Can I Have Some More?”

MEANING, I hope you’re up for another deep-thoughtly quote, but one that’s not from Jack, mind you, yet, all the same, it promises to get a rise out of you, because HERE COMES ONE NOW!

“GARY BUSEY IS kinda like a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond– just spinning.” –John Rich on The Celebrity Apprentice

IF DONALD TRUMP decides to throw his what he calls hair but we all know it is really a small animal, species unknown hat into the 2012 presidential ring, it would only be fitting that

(Gary Busey, God love him --and so do I, really, is presently the only Jovian candidate on season eleven’s The Celebrity Apprentice. FYI: A Jovian is someone who lives on or hails from Jupiter.)

Mr. Busey be his “Joe Biden.”

THREE WORDS: I’m just saying.

Poyekhali! SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

Begging hotdog image credit: DachshundGifts.com and John/Gary shots: The Celebrity Apprentice

What Being More Than One Brick Short of a Load Will Get You

(BEFORE)

WELCOME TO Grandma at Grandma’s Goulash’s Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful once-upon-a-timey meme that picks up where our dearly departed microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words. Oh?! *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge? Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "procrastinate," which I chose to pass on, since that part of the game is optional. Whew!)

HERE IS April 11th's picture AND My Story:

(AFTER)

After the Yellow Brick Road was named the new Jenny Craig spokesperson, inexplicably, people simply stopped following her. --122 characters

THREE WORDS:

Thank you, Jenny.

I’ve always loved the rarely-featured The Wizard of Oz movie promo shots, how about you-ly, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Judy Garland and the Gang image credit goes to Jeanne Heilman at: http://www.pawsamomentcards.com/

Happy Birthday!

to me!

The Golden Rules

My Favourite “Spring Chickens”!

“IF I EVER become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.”

–Jack Handey

HAPPY Jack Handey FRIDAY!

SINCE THERE’S NO WAY around it, because March 20th made it official: spring is again here for the duration (which is the stink of it, at least for me), I have no choice but to *draws on Sparkly warble-cords and turns to song* "look for the union label." (cLiCky-cLiCky on “union label,” then “play mp3" to sing along!) That’s Farkle family code for “make the best of it,” because it’s true, and most of you will probably want to rail me for saying this, but here goes anyway and putting it lightly: I am not this particular season’s biggest fan. Oh, no, No, NO! It melts my beloved snow and wakes up spiders.

Bugs, too. AND worms. Did I already say worms? WORMS. There, I said it again. OKAY. Okay. Like I mentioned, I’m going to have to make the best of a perpetual rot situation. Alrighty. Let’s get started: I’ll try to come up with at least one nice thing about spring. Uh...um...ah...um...?...? ...?

Birds!! How about birds?!

Little baby birds, then?

NOPE. They’re still birds. “Birds too close to me” should have been included on the no snow/too many spiders, bugs, etc. list, above.

I KNOW: FLOWERS! The blue-blossoming, nodding spread of the

Siberian Squill that will be taking over my backyard in short order, making that world I see from my porch stoop look like

a BIG, wonderful hank of vintage Laura Ashley fabric! But only if I get squinty and let it do just that. I don't know if I'm up for it...

Oo! Oo! Oo! Happy serendipity! Because wouldn’t you know it? As I’m writing this,

Winning! (Take that, Charlie Sheen!)

Rue McClanahan as sitcom Blanche, who doth protests her ultra-round-with-child daughter Becky’s decision not to have her baby in a hospital, is touring an over-the-top homey, flower-fabric dripping, ex$pensy birthing center, not unlike an overstuffed Laura Ashley livingroom, with the mom-to-be and The Girls on the Teedley Veedley playing in my background!:

Blanche: Oh. This is a birthing center? W-where's the obstetrician? Where's the equipment? Sophia: Yeah, she’d be better off having the baby in your bedroom. At least you've got stirrups. Dorothy: And there's a better chance of finding a doctor. Blanche: First Becky conceives in a clinic, now she wants to deliver in a bedroom. She's got the whole thing backward. Oh, this is all wrong. What dope would want to have a baby here? Rose: (all smiles as she enters the ruffle-ly birthing room) This place makes me want to run out and get pregnant! Birthing Center Director: (as she brings Becky into the room) We have a lot of features here to create the right environment for both you and baby. That's why we have music piped into every room! Becky: So, uh, Mama, what do you think? Blanche: I think it would co$t less to squat in a Laura Ashley showroom.

My point? (Yes, believe it or not, I do have one.)

I will never be keen on spring, but, boy, oh, boy, The Golden Girls sure are funny!

NINE WORDS:

Think snow, and don’t you dare touch that dial!

Luv, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, ZuZu, Estelle Getty, Beatrice Arthur, and Rue McClananhan.

P.S. Oops! Formatting is still on the bLiNkY!

P.P.S Poop! The more I try to fix my spacing, the worse it gets! This is maddening!

EDIT: If you, too, are having formatting issues, go to here to report it:

http://www.google.com/support/forum/p/blogger/thread?tid=7e98daad57ea3177&hl=en&fid=7e98daad57ea31770004a076ab5d59dc

Reminder: Do Monthly Fire Extinguisher Check Before Sunday

Dr. Seuss’ first consideration for his title character, until he inexplicably went with a male lead in his ever-popular novels: Horton Hatches the Egg and Horton Hears a Who

WHY, YES, as a matter of fact I do! Share something in common with Royalty, that is. Hortense Eugenia Cecile de Beauharnais (above), French Queen of Netherlands (1806-10), whose step-poppy was Napoleon Bonaparte, because her mother was indeed the Josephine, and then married the brother of said hand-in-waistcoater (who was merely winding his watch while striking that gesture-heard-‘round-the-world portrait-pose), and most definitely was the inspiration behind

(Taylor Momsen having a Hortense de Beauharnais moment)

Cindy Lou Who’s hair in Ron Howard’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and I share the same birthday!

HAVE A looksee.

I’m sure you’ll find it featured prominently on your calendar:

This Sunday, April 10th!

(Hint-hint!)

NO DOUBT you’ve likely guessed what search-for is at the top of my today’s “To Do” list, because it’s probably going to take from now until Sunday to track down enough of them, if I’m going to successfully pull off a poofy, braided topknot in the style of my B-day twin, because won’t that be fun?!

That’s right!

TWO WORDS:

bobby pins!

Happy almost birthday to me and, of course, Hortense, too! And let’s not forget Alex Pettyfer, Haley Joel Osment, Ryan Merriman, Mandy Moore, Peter MacNicol, Steven Seagal, Don Meredith, Poncie Ponce, John Madden, Omar Shariff, Junior Samples, Max von Sydow, Chuck Connors, Harry Morgan, and Joseph Pulitzer, eitherly, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie. Et tu, Mr. Meredith, Mr. Samples, Mr. Connors, Mr. Morgan, and Mr. Pulitzer. Guess what, Mr. Pulitzer? If you were in charge of filling the birthday piñata, I bet the prizes would be great!

P.S. When in God's name is this formatting problem going to find a remedy?!

A Cereal Killer If I Ever Heard One!

Deep bass-y Thurl “Bring out the tiger in you!” Ravenscroft

WELCOME, AGAIN, to Succinctly yours!, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed microfiction Monday left off!

Thank you, Grandma at Grandma’s Goulash,

our hostess with the mostest, who asks the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words. Oh?! *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge? Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "culprit," which I chose to pass on, since that part of the game is optional. Whew!)

HERE IS April 4th's picture AND My Story:

ONCE UPON A TIME, Tony's voice coaches went to incredible lengths to crank out his now and forever to be celebrated "gr-r-reat! ". –131 characters

(Added treat: THE SOUND BITE!)

. . . . .

HERE'S HOPING all your today’s flakes are

ONE WORD:

frosted!

(Because, hey, I know I am!)

Luv, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

The Mrs. Malaprop That is Me!

“IT’S FUNNY how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don't use it that often.” –Jack Handey

HAPPY

Jack Handey FRIDAY!

. . . . . . .

WHOA! because when I came down with a virus on Wednesday, it settled in my ears! I’ve since been upgraded to “Okay,” but, there for a while, I was quite

sneezy and ouchy-achy all over; my ears were like they were wearing corks; and, man, was I

tired!

Make that übertired. God, I can’t even begin to tell you how tired I was, I was that tired– which in turn made me very not pay attentiony, too. (Cripes! It makes me feverish again just thinking about it!) In light of it all, can I share the dialogue I had with my daughter, Puppet, that afternoon? Alrighty, then:

This, only made out of a bear???

Me: (ugly-dozing on the couch) zzzZZzzz...CoUgH! CoUgH!...zzzZZzzz...sniffle-sniffle...zzzZZzzz... Puppet: (talking about the TV commercial she’s watching to whom she assumes is her ‘regular’ Mom, but who is instead a temporarily hearing-impaired and sick-induced comatose me, turned into an unmoving lump-in-a-blanket) Look! It’s a bear crust! A genuine bear crust! Just like the one you had in Catholic school! Me: (not willing to open my eyes for anything because, hey, that might hurt, too!) Bear crust?...?...zzzZZzzz...sniffle...Catholic stool?...CoUgH! CoUgH!...What's a bear crust?... Puppet: You know, Mom, a bear crust. I’m gonna get one, okay? Me: (babbling incoherently before drifting off again) Puppet: Thanks! (heads to kitchen phone to place an order, then returns to the livingroom and picks up the remote) Elephant Tea! Hey, Mom, I’ve put Elephant Tea on! It’s one of your favourites, right?

Me: (hardly snapping out of the miserable coma, tries to remember through a head-cold stupor) Elephant Tea?...sniffle-CoUgH!... CoUgH! CoUgH!...But I don’t drink tea...zzzZZzzz...

TWO HOURS later, I awoke from a nap that–thank my lucky stars--did me and my ears a whole lot of good. Which is why my now not-so-numb scull couldn’t help but wonder what in the heck my daughter had said to me:

Me: (completely baffled) So, um... Did I miss tea? The Elephant Tea? Puppet: (just as puzzled, probably more): Huh? Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis? Me: You said you put Elephant Tea on. Puppet: (laughing) No, Mom, not Elephant Tea.

Skeleton Key!

OH, BY THE BY, guess what the mailman will be delivering to our house in three to five business days?

THAT’S RIGHT!

Offer Details: “‘Experience the magic of the Prayer Cross!’ Today, we'll send you our beautiful Prayer Cross layered in sterling silver with genuine crystals. The Prayer Cross lets you keep the Lord's Prayer close to your heart, and any time you need reassurance, just hold it up to the light to reveal the prayer hidden in the center stone. The Prayer Cross is just two monthly payments of $19.99 plus $7.99 shipping and handling. It comes with a gift box and certificate of authenticity, and a matching chain layered in sterling silver. As part of our special, you will receive a second Prayer Cross FREE, just pay an additional $7.99 shipping and handling.” (I’ll be getting one, too!)

A Bear Crust!

ONE WORD:

Norm Crosby!?

Looks like I'm ready for leaving.

Acyrology-ly yours, SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

P.S. Jeepers! What in the world is up with the blog-spacing and font-shouting around here lately??? I've managed to edit this thing at least 400 dozen times and it still won't behave. Cuckoo, huh? This sucks. I'm definitely spent. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.