Today’s Horror Story

"Alive! It's alive!" exclaimed bride-to-be and inventor of the Brillo pad, Elsa Lanchester, announcing her own hair.

GUESS WHAT I’m having.
YES,
a cruller for breakfast
(Care to join me? GREAT!), but what I was really getting at is the
THREE loneliest WORDS in the world:

BAD hAiR day!!!

“Oh, the humanity humidity!” –SparkleFarkle Morrison, regarding the disastrous event bOiNgInG from her head.
YIKES!
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Image credit: Bad Babs do courteously lifted from Tracy's Toys

Skeedly, Skeedly, Wheely, Wheely, Whack, Whack, Whack!

Shemp dreamed of being able to follow in his father’s parade-y footsteps.

WELCOME TO the happily-hosted-by-Grandma’s-Goulash Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh?! *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge?! Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "glisten," which I chose to pass on since that part of the game is optional. Whew! and thank God, because I don't need that kind o' presha!)

HERE’S May 30th’s picture
AND my story:

NO MATTER how hard he tried to stay on course, aspiring Shriner, Shemp, was about to pick off yet another unsuspecting victim. –126 characters

HM. FOR SOME odd reason –Oh, heck. Just blame it on the Magic That is Me!– I am suddenly reminded of that stood-the-test-of-timey “invitation”:

(FIVE more WORDS:)

Vroom vroom for one more!
*puts pedal to the metal*
Gotta scoot[er],
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
Rest in peace, my Mollo, Zuzie, and Jeff Conaway.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

“THE FACE OF A CHILD can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”
–Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!
FIVE WORDS:

“I'll have what he's having!” –SparkleFarkle, watching 17 year-old singing champ,

Scotty McFlurry McCreery,
catching winning-Idol “flakes” on his tongue,
last Wednesday night.
CONGRATULATIONS, podna!

--even though I was secretly and last-minutely (because WOW! Why didn’t somebody tell me he was going to be on?! I love “Live Like You Were Dyin'” AND him to pieces!) hoping Tim McGraw would take home the prize, but, heck. NO DICE.

*grab’s McGraw’s hat and plops it uptop for sign-offy effect*

Happy trails, y’all!
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Got Knees?

Then get down on them.
(AP Photo/Mike Gullett)
At Least 90 Dead in Joplin Missouri After Deadliest American Tornado in 60 Years

THESE PEOPLE need our prayers.

ONE WORD:
Now.

Perfect Tuna? Not So Much

*exchanges SparkleFarkle voice for a more apropo and most courteous Danny Dark-Starkisty voice*

BECAUSE here's the pictured "Here's Why":

Two and a Half Men stars Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones met with their newest castmate, (and Charlie Sheen's replacement) Ashton Kutcher, at the CBS Upfronts in New York City on Wednesday (Photo credit: Jim Spellman WireImage.com). YAY!

ONE WORD: uncanny!
And that's because it is. Just take a look:

Charlie theTuna, a hipster wearing a Greek fisherman's hat and glasses, whose goal is to be caught by the StarKist company. Charlie believes that he is so hip and cultured that he has "good taste," and he is thus the perfect tuna for StarKist.
Charlie theTuna Sheen, a sometimes hat and glasses-wearing hipster, whose goal is "absolute victory on every front" (“Winning!!!”), believes that he is so hip and cultured that he has "good taste," and he is thus the perfect tuna.

See what I mean-ly?,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

It’s Not the End of the World, If It’s Not the End of the World Today

TODAY AT 6PM (Better be wearing clean underwear, I’m just saying. Yeah, I’M NERVOUS! Cripes, me blogging about this at all, is pretty telling! *suddenly dodges a lightning bolt, hurled from the sky, that turns out NOT to be real* Whew! That was close!) something cataclysmic is set to happen – the world is going to experience "Rapture.” That’s what Californian radio preacher Harold Camping’s been telling everyone. Yep, all true Christians will be snatched away and rapturously transported to Heaven at The Appointed Hour, which only adds to my worries, because does that mean Central time or Pacific Standard or WHAT?! I wish Reverend Camping had been more specific, since every one else will be left to suffer the prolonged agony of "tribulation" until the final destruction of the universe on 21 October. Man, thanks to Harold, I’ve got a LOT on my plate this morning. If it were up to me, I’d be having a pancake breakfast instead.

TWO WORDS:
THE END?

WHICH REMINDS me:
Here’s wishing you a
BETTER LATE THAN NEVERLY
Happy Jack Handey Friday!

“WHEN YOU DIE, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.” –Jack Handey

IF HAROLD DOES PROVE himself NOT to be a nutjob , I hope there’s ice cream, too!
See you later --or if that's what it comes to, see you on T’other Side,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace In Catnip Pie Heaven, my Mollo and ZuZu.

P.S. Actually, I’m quite sigh-of-reliefy, because I’m sticking with Jesus AKA Straight from the Horse’s Mouth, who said “no man knows the time or the hour” of the Great Apocalypse. Say it with me, Mr. Campy: AMEN!

EDIT: WATCH THIS and then just try and tell me the world ’s going to end today:




Adorable Lady Finds Missing Cat During Interview Outside Tuscaloosa Tornado (April 27th, 2011)-Ruined Home

ONE WORD: Everything!

(There’s still time to have it!)

Moses Supposes Erroneously

Donald O’Connor gearing up for the “Moses Supposes” number in Singing in the Rain (1952).

WELCOME TO the happily-hosted-by-Grandma’s-Goulash Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh? *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge?! Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "kink," which I chose to pass on since that part of the game is optional. Whew! and thank God, because I don't need that kind o' presha!)

HERE’S May 23rd’s picture
AND my story:

For a stinking wilted boutonnière?! thought Berta angrily. “You can stick that posey where the sun don’t shine!” she retorted to Moses, attempting to bribe her into wearing just the apron. Suddenly, another “boutonnière” wilted. –228 character equals 88 characters too many, making this a mere 35-word entry

ELEVEN WORDS:

(Moses’ toeses, legends in their own minds.)
Roses by any other name do not necessarily smell as sweet.

Later, then? Okay-ly!
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Kodak Momently Speaking

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, other than, isn’t Ron Weasley cute?!

WELCOME TO the happily-hosted-by-Grandma’s-Goulash Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh? *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge?! Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "tempt," which I chose to pass on since that part of the game is optional. Whew! and thank God, because I don't need that kind o' presha!)

HERE’S May 16th's picture
AND my story:

“Photography’s my true calling!” happily declared blind Bob after failing miserably as a court sketch artist. Never-in-the-picture model Sheila would soon learn to dismiss his “Say cheese!” command, or go crazy. –Whoa, 211 characters! Better go with the 31 words out of 140-option.

THREE WORDS:

What say you?

WHAT WORD do you say to conjure your face into a big, fat smile for the paparazzi? I pretty much go with the old reliable: “CHEESE!” <– Because I remember one time during my early grade school years, when the photographer’s primper insisted upon another word for me and my little classmates to say just as our photos were about to be taken, instructing us to substitute while she pre-“Smile for the birdie!” fixed our hair, and, then, handed us the “freebee” we were suppose to then mention out loud at the camera.

“NEXT!” the photographer said to me, shouting what turned out to be a synonym for the word “disaster,” because if you say “comb” at the snap of your school picture, you end up looking like a crazed birdhouse in your 1961 school yearbook!

May a smile be your bumbershoot,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, Zuzie, and Jean Setz, the photographer’s assistant whom he killed upon learning he would have to reschedule a class photo shoot, free of charge!

This Happy Golden Day!

You hear David Rose music, don’t you?! Me, too! Sometimes, I hear it all the time!

“WHENEVER YOU READ a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.” –Jack Handey

HappyJack Handey Friday
on a Tuesday, because, heck,
everyday is Jack Handey Friday!

LET’S SEE.
*looks to the sky for the inspirey*
What shall I be today??? I know!
AUTOGRAPH SEEKER!

I’M SO excited! At 7PM at my local Barnes and Noble, author and Laura Ingalls Wilder wannabe,

Wendy McClure,
will be the guest speaker, promoting her new I-just-have-to-have-it-and-have-her-sign-it-too book,

The Wilder Life: My Adventures in the Lost World of Little House on the Prairie

Publishers Weekly says:
Starred review! Obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder and her Little House books about an 1880s pioneer family, children's book editor and memoirist Wendy McClure (I'm Not the New Me) attempts to recapture her childhood vision of "Laura World." Her wacky quest includes hand-grinding wheat for bread, buying an authentic churn, and traveling to sites where the Ingalls family attempted to wrest a living from the prairie. Discovering that butter she churned herself was "just butter," McClure admits she "felt like a genius and a complete idiot at the same time." Viewing a one-room dugout the Ingallses occupied that was "smaller than a freight elevator" prompted McClure to admit that "the actual past and the Little House world had different properties." McClure finally tells her boyfriend, "I'm home," after recognizing that her travels stemmed from her reaction to the recent death of her mother. Readers don't need to be Wilder fans to enjoy this funny and thoughtful guide to a romanticized version of the American expansion west. (Apr.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved. Please, Publishers Weekly, I’M BEGGING YOU, DON’T SEND ME TO JAIL for pasting this blurb in my blog, or I’ll miss Miss McClure’s Wilder-speak! Thanks, it means the everything to me!

AND THIS from Barnes and Noble’s invitation to this evening’s author event: In The Wilder Life, Wendy McClure retraces the travels of the Ingalls' pioneer journey and comes to understand how the Wilders' life has influenced ideas about girlhood and the American West. Her obsession is a humorous tribute to a well-loved story.

NINE WORDS:
I can’t wait! I can’t wait! I can’t wait!

Literally literally,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest In peace, my Mollo, Zuzie, and Laura Ingalls Wilder.

MAJOR EDIT: It sucked, and so did especially Wendy McClure! RATS. I had such high hopes... Poor Laura. I’m sure she rolled over in her grave tonight.

Happy Mother's Day, Momsies!

(One of my most favourites from Eloise Wilken. She had a way with drawing elderly ankles, didn't she?!)

"WHEN YOUR mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
--Erma Bombeck, American humorist (1927-1996)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Taylor Made

TAYLOR SWIFT (above) in the new music video for her latest hit, “Mean,” as she and her fellow underdogs take on the bullies of the world! The official "Mean" music video world-premiered on-air, yesterday! What? You weren’t watching?! No problem, allow me! (It's probably a good idea to first turn off my Playlist, located in the SparkleFarkle blog-page basement, or else the mash will drive you cuckoo. Thanks! P.S. Being that the video is a smitch stubborn, you might have to give it a few seconds before it's finally good and ready to play. Come on, don't throw that towel in, because I promise you, it's worth the wait! P.P.S. If the music clip insists on remaining bratty, take your self directly over to TAYLOR'S "HOUSE" (<--cLiCkY-cLiCkY!) to enjoy "Mean."):

Taylor Swift - "Mean" from Taylor Swift on Vimeo.

THREE WORDS:
Take that, Kanye!
*swiftly delivers Taylor Swifty heart-hands*
Thank-you, Miss Swift!

BIGGEST fanly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.
Image credit: Ethan Miller, Getty Images

At One Time or Another, They Probably Tried to Curb John Michael Montgomery and All-4-One

WELCOME TO the happily-hosted-by-Grandma’s-Goulash Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh? *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge?! Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "aquadic," which I chose to pass on since that part of the game is optional. Whew! and thank God, because I don't need that kind o' pressha!)

HERE’S May 9th's picture

AND my story:

Via the Nasal Passage, Curse Hearses came softly in the night to rid Potty Mouths of too many swear words waiting to be said. –125 characters

FIVE WORDS:

Nobody likes a potty mouth.

Keeping it clean-ly yours,

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo, Zuzie, and all those swear words scooped up by the Curse Hearses.
Potty mouth image courtesy of www.epmonthly.com
Wagmore found at cafepress.com

A Smitch More About the Happily Ever After Wow Vow Day

(An “up close and personal” with the a-few-days-ago close-up of the Palace dustpan)

“I THINK THAT a hat that has a cannon that comes out, fires, and then goes back in is at least a decade away." –Jack Handey

HAPPY
Jack Handey
FRIDAY!

ROYAL PUSH BROOMS have long since swept up the last of the wedding cake crumbs, so I hope it’s not too overkilly of me to only just now announce my Prince William and Brand-New Princess Catherine’s Wedding Bell Boos and Yahoos (actually, just one of each, because I’m trying to keep it short <– which is something I barely ever do, so you can just imagine how incredibly stifled I must be feeling right about now, because, GOD, is this foreign to me!):

THE BOO:

(The power of Christ compels you!!!)

Grumpy little flower girl Grace Van Custem
The Mysterious Little Bridesmaid

AND
The YAHOO (Of all of them, it was my hands’down favourite, no kidding!):

!!!

YEP, IF YOU ASK ME if I like Princess Beatrice’s twisty-turny, closely Dr. Seussian chapeau, easily I answer with a resounding

(very timely TWO WORDS):
I DO!

I-now-pronounce-youly yours,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.

Grace image by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

Sock-cre Bleu!

“I SAY we decide by a show of hands.”

WELCOME TO the happily-hosted-by-Grandma’s-Goulash Succinctly Yours, a perfectly wonderful meme that picks up where our dearly departed Microfiction Monday left off, by asking the every-Monday burning question:

How low can you go?

(THE GIST: Use the photo provided by GG as inspiration for a story of 140 characters or 140 words. (It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.) Oh? *nods an impressed head* You want an even BIGGER challenge?! Then incorporate the word of the week into your flash tale! This Monday's assignment is "invade," which I chose to pass on since that part of the game is optional. Whew and thank God, because I don't need that kind o' pressha!)

Here's MAY 2nd's PICTURE

and MY STORY:

THE BOAT to the Island of Misfit Sock Puppets would soon set sail, and CLEARLY both Hodge and Podge would be on it.
–116 characters

. . . . .
What did the sock puppet say to the forlorn sock?

EIGHT WORDS:

You look like you could use a hand!

Ready for outta here-ly,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
Rest in peace, my Mollo and Zuzie.