I'd Expect Something Like This from James Franco; He's Sleeping.

This, my friend, is chopped liver.

OH, HOW I do, do, do love what
tonight's going to Teedley-Veedley bring us!

Namely,

Josefina Govea packages an Oscar statuette at R.S. Owens & Company during a media demonstration February 9, 2012 in Chicago, Illinois.
Scott Olson/Getty Images

THE OSCARS!
(Tune in live--> Oscar Sunday, Feb 26 - 7e/4p)

BUT first,
Let's get real.

Because, please, somebody tell me:
Why in the the world couldn't
The Academy
shell out a few buck$?
What I mean to say is,
why in the heck didn't

("The Board of Governors consists of representatives from each of the 15 Academy branches. All branches are represented on the Board by three governors except the Makeup Artists and Hairstylists Branch, created in 2006, which has one representative. The Board of Governors is responsible for corporate management, control and general policies. The Board of Governors also appoints a CEO and a COO to supervise the administrative activities of the Academy. CEO Dawn Hudson and COO Ric Robertson and their staff of over 200 conduct the Academy's day-to-day business." --photo and caption courtesy of the Academy Awards official website)

somebody in charge,

or some old, has-beeny forgotten actor who needs their spotlight reignited, or even one of the more than 6,000 artists and professionals who bring the magic of the movies to life (with the exception of Jim Franco, like I said earlier, for obvious reasons), or someone, ANYONE (Heck, if I owed a couple of cotten gauntlets, I'd have long, long ago donated them!), sprung for a new pair of white gloves for above, second-pictured Oskie Handler Govea (Why, yes, I DO happen to know for a fact, that is the official title assigned to Academy Award touchers. Well...at least the ones hired by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.) before she went public?!

SEVEN WORDS:

Where was Mickey
when we needed him?!?!
. . . . . . .

SERIOUSLY.
Those statues are not chopped liver, ya know-ly yours,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rest in peace, my Mollo and ZuZu.

P.S. DON'T GET ME wrong. I'm sure Josefina's gloves have their place. Yeah, any cold-handed, non-dexterous Oscar Envelope Opener might find them to be just

the ticket!
I'm just saying.